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To every nurse in school: This is what it’s really like

August 4, 2003 | Filed in: Story Submission

Jill, RN, writes:

I wrote this the other night, after a very emotional shift. I don’t know if you will find it interesting, but wanted to share it with somebody. Last night I … watched my nursing instructor from 12 years ago die.

I called her sister, I had never met her. “Your sister is doing much worse, you better come to the hospital.”
I met her family for the first time. A nice sister that looked a lot like my teacher did before she got sick.
I asked her brother, a priest, if he wanted me to call a priest for the family. Her sister asked to use the phone, I heard her tell her mother, one of her students is taking care of her, she’s in good hands.

I learned a little about my teacher that I didn’t know before.
I washed my teacher’s body, cleaned the tubes coming out of her abdomen.
I changed the chest tube dressing that had saturated her gown and bed.
I put cream on her breast, the one consumed by cancer.
I put a rosary in her hand, and an angel in the other one.
I told her siblings how much I enjoyed having her as a teacher, she was so wonderful.

I hung drips to try to save her life.
I thought about her standing in front of class, lecturing on the GI system as I assessed her abdomen.
I whispered in her ear that I would take good care of her. Only 52 yrs old, she seemed so old 12 years ago when I was a student of 19.
I watched the ventilator, pumping air into her lungs, struggling to ventilate her.

I covered her eyes with gauze, they wouldn’t stay shut. I couldn’t look at them anymore. Her beautiful blue eyes….so swollen, the swollen sclera oozing out, I couldn’t look at them anymore. Was that wrong? I told her siblings it was to keep them moist and protect them, I couldn’t look at them anymore, she was gone…dead…not yet, the ventilator pumped 12 breaths into her a minute, while she gasped in between. The powerful drugs forced her heart to beat. Pulse 120……slowly, very slowly, too slowly, it stopped beating… not yet. It kept going. What was she waiting for? The end of my shift? I turned on the TV in her room, put the rosary on. I prayed silently with the TV as I charted. Dr. called, notified of decreased blood pressure despite meds. I told him, she’s dying, there’s nothing we can do. Start a neo drip, get her blood pressure up. Is he crazy??? She’s dying. Slowly, I go get the med he ordered. It wouldn’t work, I knew that.

Pulse 48, b/p 60/30. The doctor comes in, “Call the pulmonary doctor.” What? She’s dying, there’s nothing we can do. I call his service, he’ll call back.

The doctor still has not gone in the room. Pulse 20, unable to get blood pressure. Asystole. Doctor, she’s gone, are you going to go talk to the family?

I clock out and go home, I had already said goodbye.

Bye Mrs. L, thank you for choosing me, out of all the students you’ve taught, to die with.

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Comments

Wow. Thanks so much for writing.
Sometimes the docs are unable to handle it, ya know?

Wow. Indeed, wow.

It’s so much harder when it’s someone you know. Yet it’s comforting too, because you were able to do something for her and her family.

Thank you, Jill. Your story was very moving. Thanks for choosing to share it.

Jill, this is a wonderful story. We are posting it on our website, nursetown.com, under “Incredible Nursing Story #2″ to share it with our thousands of daily visitors. Thank you!

Wow. Well written, thanks for sharing. Code Blog…thanks for creating a forum for others to speak.

It is stories like these that keep me blogging. Thank you so much for sharing.

My ex-wife, a very fine lady, was an ICU-CCU nurse for many years. She often spoke of situations as you describe—hours taking care of someone who was clearly at the end, calling the family and patient’s doctor, having the doc come in at the last moment and start giving meaningless orders. I only hope when my time comes there is someone with your caring heart nearby.

When My grandfather was dying in ‘92, the doctors were after my grandmother to let them do an operation that only had by their estimates a 30% chance of stabilizing (not improving) him. My mother and I were saying no, but it took a nurse who gave us the real scoop (probably risking her job) to convince her to say no. My wife and I have living wills and durable powers of attorney precisely so that this crap will NOT happen to us.

Nursing is my second career. I have seen death before and after becoming a nurse. Blogging, while a freedom, is also an eduational tool to be used professionally (since you put RN behind your name). As can be seen by responses, not everyone has the benefit of having worked in an ICU and knowing each ICU professional has the responsibility to do what they feel is necessary for the patient. Your comments make it appear you do not understand the bigger picture of hospital function.

After earning my doctorate, but before my state license came through, I worked in an ‘old folks’ hostel, and helped several people there as they were dying.

Denied access to my great-grandmother’s passing, and my grandmother’s passing, I was the ONLY one dealing with those non-family humans, as their licensed, REAL doctors were TOO BUSY with meaningful, important tasks to be with them as they were making that final, all-important transition…

Thank you for your sharing. I was touched, moved and inspired… who among MY students will arise to serve as I leave?

I have been married to a RN for 24 years; when we met, she was still in nursing school and got her degree soon after. First, I would like to admit that I never realized how rigorous the training/education was to become a nurse. My wife is an extremely smart person, and to this very day her knowledge of medical matters amazes me. Second, I have been told many stories by her which mirror the one posted. Dying persons kept alive and in pain needlessly by doctors who frankly did not care what the patient was experiencing. Now, to be fair, sometimes relatives can’t make the decision that “its time” and they allow “another drip” or the allow the crash cart to be called for one more time. Third, if all the malpractice that doctors commit was really known, there’d be an uproar in this country. I can’t begin to remember all the stories of doctors bungling up, writing stupid orders, not writing orders that should have been written, etc.

I’m sure over the course of 24 years, you HAVE heard several stories of doctors bungling up. To be sure, there are doctors that write stupid orders all the time.
However, there were even more doctors that were excellent physicians all around, and even wrote exemplary orders.
You just never heard about them because it isn’t as interesting to talk about them as it is to talk about the ones that screw up.
What about all the nurses that mess up perfectly well-written orders?
I’m not saying that there aren’t less-than-stellar healthcare professionals out there, but I think the majority are very conscientous and competant.

My father is a doc, a radiologist. ITs a pretty hard job, trying to find something a few millimeters in size that turns out to be malignant carcinoma. I think docs are human, i think young docs are like young people anywhere, prone to screwing up. They should talk more to their nurses with 20 years of experience. Docs aren’t idiots and nurses aren’t geniuses. Neither is any other cataogorial classification either (except people that have IQ 200 or above).

Thank you for that post.

Nursing is a good profession.

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So, what brought you to the hospital today?

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I have been an Intensive Care nurse for 11 years. This blog is about my experiences as a nurse, and the experiences of others in the healthcare system - patients, nurses, doctors, paramedics. We all have stories!

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