I once took care of a lady I’ll call Martha. She talked about God a lot, but had the most evil eyes.

She was constantly asking me if she could recite the Lord’s Prayer. Because I was a nurse’s aide at that point, and a kind of new one at that, she scared the bejesus out of me (ha ha! that was a pun!). I had simply not run across someone so blatantly creepy before.

One day I walked into her room and was almost beaned by a flying stuffed animal that she’d had on her bed. I glanced at her; she was sitting calmly looking at me with those eyes. I asked her why she threw the toy, but she didn’t respond. When I went over to pick it up, a Kleenex box landed about a foot away from me. Great. Creepy AND stealthy.

I was assigned to her the next day as well. When I went in to feed her lunch, she was especially … chatty. After asking me if she could say the Lord’s Prayer for the 10th time, she then looked across the room at a crucifix hanging on the wall. Her eyes widened as she looked back at me.

She got very quiet for a moment and took a few bites of lunch. Then she asked if I could get her that crucifix off the wall.

Dude, I was born at night, but it wasn’t the night before. After her little demonstration the day prior, I wasn’t about to give her anything more lethal than her little stuffed animal. So I told her that I wasn’t able to give her that crucifix. She was very suspicious of this. I went over to the wall and faked trying to pry it off. When she was at least half satisfied that I wasn’t lying, she said, “God will tell me the truth” and proceeded to level me with that eerie gaze.

I hope He understands.